How do you meditate when your mind won't stop?

You don't have to stop your thoughts to meditate. Nobody can. Meditation is noticing that your mind has wandered off and gently bringing it back, over and over. Every time you catch yourself thinking and return to your breath, that's one rep. A busy mind just means you get more reps.

Your mind wanders all the time. That's normal.

Harvard researchers Matthew Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert used a phone app to check in with 2,250 people at random moments in their day. People's minds were wandering 46.9% of the time, about half their waking hours, and they were less happy when their minds wandered than when they were focused on what they were doing. So the problem you're trying to fix isn't unusual. It's what minds do.

And practicing does seem to help. A 2014 review of 47 trials with more than 3,500 people found moderate evidence that mindfulness meditation programs eased anxiety, low mood and pain. They weren't better than other active approaches like exercise, but they helped.

Start with three minutes

Long sessions are where most people give up. Try this instead:

1. Minute one: notice what's here. Thoughts, feelings, the tight shoulders, the noise outside. Don't fix anything. Just notice.
2. Minute two: gather on your breath. Feel the air go in and out. When your mind drifts, and it will, notice where it went and come back.
3. Minute three: widen out. Take in your whole body, the room, the sounds around you. Then open your eyes.

That's it. Three minutes you'll actually do beats twenty you'll skip.

Tricks for a mind that won't sit still

• Label it. When you notice a thought, say "thinking" in your head, then go back to the breath. You're not arguing with the thought, just filing it.
• Count your breaths. One on the in-breath, two on the next, up to ten, then start over. When you lose count, and you will, start again at one. No penalty.
• Make the out-breath longer. Breathing out slowly is calming in itself, and it gives your attention something specific to hold. Here's more on breathing exercises that help.
• Keep your eyes open. Rest your gaze on a spot on the floor. Closing your eyes isn't required, and some people find it easier to stay present with them open.
• Move. If sitting still is torture, walk slowly and pay attention to each step. That counts too.
• Drop the score. There's no such thing as a bad session. A session where you wandered 50 times and came back 50 times was 50 reps.

When your head is too loud to sit with

Some nights the thoughts aren't random. They're one specific worry on repeat. Breathing can only do so much there, and talking it through first helps. Say the worry out loud, sort out what you can do about it, then sit. We wrote about why saying it out loud works.

Meditate with Moodu

Moodu has both. Its Meditation Journey conversation opens with a choice: "Let's slow down together. Would you like a 2-minute breathing exercise, or to talk about what's been noisy in your head?" And the 3-minute breathing space above is built in as a guided exercise with a timer, along with the physiological sigh, box breathing and 4-7-8. Chats are encrypted before they're saved and never used for ads. Moodu is $39.99 a year after a 3-day free trial, or $4.99 a week.

If it's work that keeps your mind busy at night, read why you can't stop thinking about work at night.